Read the title in Stewie Griffin's voice. Seriously, I disappear for a month and blogger gets all different and weird. :|
Right now things are in flux. I'm working 2-3 part days a week (about 4 hour shifts) at the daycare. Still haven't been cleared to work at the grocery store. As my doctor, my therapist, and my psych nurse keep reminding me, I'm adjusting to anti-psychotics and recovering from a suicide attempt, I need time to adjust. I just want to get back to real life. My doctor is thinking of increasing my seroquel, my psych nurse wants it lowered. The thing is they don't agree on a diagnosis so they don't agree on treatment. Ugh.
I've binged and purged twice today, and I'll do it at least one more time (as I'm binging and typing right now, go multitasking). I can't keep binging and not purging it. It has caused me to gain 20lbs. Fucking hell.
I have no plan. I'm sure since I'm now requiring myself to purge after a binge I will slow down. I hate purging. I hate it. It's so addictive and releasing. In a few days I will be back to 900 calories a day. I have to eat myself back down. I will get this off. I need to start excerising again. I have no strenght or stamina so I'm starting from square one again. The thought of exercising right now makes me tiered. Not good.