ordinary is just not good enough today

Back to work today. First time since last Sunday. Ugh, I'm going to hate next weeks pay cheque.

I've been doing okay food wise. Not the best because I haven't been writing down my calories, only keeping track in my head. I need to log to really do well, and my plan is to start on Monday. Same with the exercise. I'm worried because my bronchitis is really bad so I know I won't be able to run, but I hope to get some cardio in.

I need a plan

Yes a plan. But I have no idea what to do. I can't over restrict (less than 600 a day I say) because I live with my boyfriend and that makes life hard. Hmmmm what to do. I think I will do something like this:

Day 1: 1200
Day 2: 1000
Day 3: 800
Day 4: 600

And keep repeating. I will allow myself to switch calorie days if something important eating wise comes up. Eventually I'd like to drop the 1200 calorie days, but right now I think I need them. Today is Day 1. No more excuses.

Ugh I really need to clean my apartment, it's way messy. If I do that it will defiantly burn some calories. I haven't cleaned the bathroom in over a month. I like to do it at least once a week (ideally 2-3 times) because you can't get clean in a dirty bathroom. That may take an hour or two now to get it perfect. I also need to walk down to the store for diet Pepsi. Whee little bit of exercise. I don't think I'll get to the gym tomorrow (two assignments due, and I know I won't get them done today) but Friday I will defiantly go back.

I'm still horrifically sick but have no choice but to go to classes tomorrow, which sucks. But I can't miss tomorrow because of a group project and I've now missed two english classes in a row. And that is a class I have to pass in an assignment for too. I hope to be feeling better.

Wow I didn't mean to disappear.

Really I didn't. Went a bit manic, got busy with school work. I'm running myself into the ground. Gained 10lbs. Fuck. It's slowly coming off over the past few days. Still way to high. I have been skipping the gym which I need to stop doing. Even the boyfriend told me I'm happier when I get to exercise. But that won't happen today. I'm sick! With a nasty cold. Skipping university even. Which annoys me to no end, but I know I'll just be miserable and wanting to cry and come home the whole time. Better to be miserable on my couch watching TV.

I will be thin. Gotta remember that.

Thanksgiving...

went well. I did the cooking, others cleaned. I didn't make enough for leftovers/more than one helping for me so it all worked out.

Then on Tuesday I was taken off my meds. So my body is none too happy right now. I'm binging. And retaining water, so I've only gained. Gain, gain, gain seems to be my body's mantra. I am also feeling slightly unstable from it all so I'm unsure what I'm going to do.

Going to bleach and dye my hair back to something close to my natural colour today. It's currently a dark brown with a copper red over top. I'm naturally an ash blond. My hair is going to hate me, but I am trying to grow out my natural colour and I can't stand having such visible roots.

So yeah, just feeling really low. I'm not going to weigh for a few days to avoid that constant sense of disappointment.

Sunday is offical weigh in day...

...and I weigh the same as yesterday 120.6lbs. SO FUCKING CLOSE TO BEING UNDER 120 AGAIN. AH. So frustrated. Tomorrow I'm having my Thanksgiving meal so I'm worried I'm going to fuck up all my slow, so frustrating slow, progress. I hope not to be up more than 1lb Tuesday. *crosses fingers*

And some inspiration for the coming week:

I need a new set of scales

Seriously I do. Any recommendations? I will need to save up for them, but I would like a reliable set. Mine have never been reliable (they are weight watcher scales).

I've b/ped twice tonight (so far). I hope that I stay there. Not much else to report. Been hovering in the same 1lb radius since I overate a bit the past few days. I hope to be down 3lbs by next Thursday. I believe I can do it. I know I can do it. Anything less is unacceptable.

I don't really have anything else to add. Feeling bad for neglecting blogger, but my focus is totally skewered lately (damn probable bipolar disorder). I have been reading blogs, but not commenting because nothing I type actually makes sense when I re-read it. But I am reading and thinking of you all.

Finally

I'm down to 121.4lbs. And have consistently lost over the past week. Which is amazing. Still way to fat but there you go.

Sorry I haven't been around, I just haven't had the time to get onto blogger/university and work take up all of my time. I called in sick today (crazy is a kind of sick, my meds don't seem to be working) so I'm avoiding doing school work (so much reading due tomorrow, I have to finish reading the Maltese Falcon, plus 2 chapters for human evolution, and 4 articles for Women and Health, fun).

I've been exercising 3 days a week, and trying to add in a fourth. And I've lost an inch off my waist. Yay. Again, still way to large, which is why I'm not posting the number. My goal waist is 22" though.

And now, some thinspo, to keep me going: