100th Post and feeling Saner

...well a bit saner. Thank you for the well wishes. I've seemed to have leveled out over the past few days. I more than likely had a manic or hypo manic break caused by anti-depressants I was on for my anxiety. Right now I'm just taking ativan to control the anxiety and rage attacks that I get.

I'm officially off work from both my jobs. I've just been allowed to stay by myself since Thursday though I still get everyone calling me to check up on me (even the boyfriends mother). After my last post I had a major SI episode and my legs, left arm and chest were cut and are now scaring. I'm okay with it.

I've been b/ping a lot lately as a way to hurt myself. I have to keep a log for my mental health worker about my SI urges and I'm unsure if I should include B/P urges in them, as I do use them as a way to injure myself. Due to mixed up schedules I won't see a psych until the end of July, but I am finally getting my Phoenix vacation at the beginning of July, then a week at my mothers. I may then go on a little vacation with my Dad, then in August my own vacation. I will probably be back to work around then, but I may wait to see as I think my doctor wants me medicated before I go back to work, but that won't happen before his note is up.

My weight is staying somewhat consistent, but all my trying at restricting tend to fail due to the B/P urges. So it's better than gaining. I need to find my diet pills, I can't find where I packed them from when I moved. I'm sure I'll find them sometime soon. I have nothing else to do but hang out in my apartment or shop. Which I'm doing way to much lately. Spending money I don't have, but my parents keep covering for me since I "deserve" it. I'm buying shit I don't even need or like all that much. Oh well.

I hope to get around to reading everyones blogs again over the next few days. I feel like I've missed so much! I love and miss you all.


Also the nerd in me is loving this summer movie season, and I feel the need to share this:

I, along with the rest of the opening day crowd, clapped and cheered at this scene. /hardcore nerd.