Sunday, June 12, 2011

quick update

I have no Internet at home right now.

Ended up in the ER on Friday night because I'm literally going crazy. I have a emergency referral to a psychiatrist but it may take two weeks. None of this is  ED based. I attacked my leg with knifes the other day, and have reoccurring thoughts of slicing my neck. No active Suicide plan, but I admit that some have been forming.

I haven't been working, and I don't think I can for awhile. I don't trust myself to be left alone so my boyfriend and Dad have been taking turns. I'm unsure how willing they will be wanting to do that for.

I'm on my period but I weigh 117lbs. It needs to get lower.

If I die it will finally go low enough.


  1. Ohh no! Please reach out & take care of yourself, I'm so glad your dad & boyfriend are there for you. You have so much going for you, there is always a way out of these thoughts. We are here for you, darling.

  2. Darling, please take care of yourself. I know it's been said, but we're here for you. Stay strong, and ignore those horrible thoughts. <3

  3. This is heartbreaking. :(

    But I'm sure that so many of us have been through similar times. I know that I have.

    Remember that you always have a support system here, and it seems like your family and boyfriend are there for you too.

    Just try to reduce sources of stress and remember that these thoughts and urges will pass, whether through counseling or medication or just on their own.

    That's my mantra whenever I'm feeling depressed. "This too shall pass." Whatever is making you feel trapped, scared, depressed - even if it's inside of you and not something external - you can control your reactions to it. I hope you find strength in that.

    Good luck, much love, and stay strong.

  4. I was so excited to see you posted but then saddened by its content. Please take care sweety, fight those thoughts, give yourself alternatives- I know its tough, I've been there but you can do this DO NOT GIVE UP. I'm glad to hear you've got a support network, please know if there's anything I can do I will, do not hesitate to ask! Take care xxx