Wednesday, December 15, 2010

busy failure

I'm alive. Barely. Binging and purging seem to be my life now, outside of work. I even have b/p with my boyfriend right there, lying about feeling sick to my stomach.

Part of me wants to get caught so I can stop this cycle. The other part of me is terrified of anyone knowing. It's giving me nightmares. I can barely focus.

I'm gaining from the binging. Not doing enough purging I guess. I need to stop this cycle. I'm unsure of how.


  1. I tried not purging so I wouldn´t binge but it didn´t worked for me, but you can try that.
    I know what to mean about being torned, being caught or staying like this...
    I hope you find the way to stop this horrible cycle

  2. oh gosh hun.
    as soon as i eat anything i need to eat a thousand times more & purge. i sware i cannot eat without binging, & i cannot binge without purging. unfortunetly i cannot be near food without eating & thus begins the cycle again.
    if you can follow brokens advice & tell yourself you won't purge, then it might help with not binging. (that never lasts for me though.)
    you might want to try to distract yourself from eating in the first place. (read, knit, comuter, etc. insted)
    if that doesn't help you can always try to make food gross you out. example: watch supersize-me? i think that works for some people. it might not though if you feel like you'd purge it anyways.
    so in attempt to gross myself out from food entirly, i'm going to watch "food inc." tonight. hopefully i won't want food even entering me. try that maybe?

    ps. i wish all the time someone would catch & stop me too.

    goodluck, & staystrong.

  3. I'm bulimic, nothing short of recovery will stop me from bingeing and purging. I can go a few days, even a week, but I always eventually break down.

    I actually watched super size me today, but I didn't find it all that triggering since I don't eat McDonalds at all, and most fast food places I don't go to (other than subway) since I'm a vegan.

    I can't watch certain food documentaries because of my OCD and obessional images that are triggered by animal abuse. I also find when I watch things like supersize me or man versus food it feeds my binge trigger. As I know I can out eat them.