Sunday, January 9, 2011

crazy, but thats how it goes

I had a flip out on Thursday. I nearly broke my window by throwing a book at it. I kicked my front door. I screamed. And I had no trigger, nothing pissed me off. I haven't been sleeping well since my uncles death, and since learning more details it has gotten worse. It has defiantly triggered me. I refused to sleep in my room last night at my Dads house, so I spent the night on the couch, when Dad got up he sent me to my room, which was okay because it was light out and the 'demons' wouldn't get me. I have strange OCD racing thoughts about demons and they sometimes cause me to stay up or to sleep with a TV or lights on, or to sleep in a different room so they can't get me. It's horrible for me, since I'm an atheist and theoretically don't believe in demons but tell the crazy me that.

So I binged on Thursday, did okay Friday till I told my boyfriend to make me spicy fries, then yesterday I did okay but b/ped my supper as I went out to a friends birthday dinner.

I also started my hot yoga classes. I love it. I've only done two classes and I love that it actually makes me sweat, and it helped loosen up my back which is always in knots. On the downside my core is really weak, as are my thighs so some of the poses hurt, but I generally can hold them. I might not get back there till Thursday, though Wednesday night I might try to skip over there.

Today I've had 391 cals, way better than I expected. I may have something else latter but I'm not hungry. I  had to force myself to have supper.


  1. Sorry you're had a rough couple days. I had one of those Christmas night (leaving two dents in my bedroom wall from throwing glass candle holders... that'll be fun to explain to the landlord someday. lol)

    Hope you're feeling better. Do you think the yoga helps your moods? I've always wanted to try it.

  2. I find yoga or anytype of exercise calms my racing thoughts. With yoga I just focus so much on holding my poses that I can't drift off into a million different places. As for my moods, I'm not sure yet. It's a wait and see. If I'm not anxious or having racing thoughts I tend to me more level with my moods, though I can't say it stops them completely.

  3. Sure, it's not so great that your thighs and core need work, but then again, it's good that the class is challenging you. That only means that your core/thighs will become much better by the end of the classes!

  4. Sometimes I have fear of demons too, or aliens....but it's because of something I've seen usually. I hope it will go away soon enough though, you need to get some sleep to function.

    391 is freakin' amazing!! Can I make you my hereo?
    Have a good start of the week!

  5. Sorry you had such a sucky day. :( hope you're feeling better. <3

    I get like that sometimes at night, too; even though I only sort of half-believe in demons and things... I get night terrors a lot, where it's like I'm awake but I'm paralyzed and terrified, and it feels like there's evil things in the room that I can't see, but they're holding me down and just freaking me out in general. Sucks. It was actually what stopped me being an atheist and made me turn back to the more pagan side of Catholicism. Go figure.

    Lol, you're totally not weird for wanting to be a vampire or mortician. One of my best friends in high school always wanted to be a mortician. Now she's going to school to become a medical examiner.


  6. well done on the intake, I hope you have a better time sleeping soon, I'm sorry to hear that :/ I have trouble sleeping since my Grandad died. Stay strong <3

  7. hi. i'm new on blogspot, can u follow me back? it'd be kind of help for me to start... and oh, i hate binging, but i'm weak, so it happens all the time. ;x love, j.