Tuesday, January 18, 2011

self distruction is fun

Woke up this morning, got high, took a bunch of diet pills, drank, binged (ate an entire pizza and half a loaf of bread) purged, and now am avoiding getting ready for work. FUN.

All I needed to add in was some self harm (which was/is very very tempting) but I'm resiting.

I finally got around to seeing Black Swan. I didn't find it ED triggering, even with the purging. I guess I didn't find Natalie Portman that thin, nor did they show many full body shots of the dancers. More SI and suicidal thoughts triggering.

I also dyed my hair a dark brown. I love it. Last time I dyed my hair brown it was red based and I hated it. I felt so mousy (even though I love having red hair). I think I may keep this colour for a few months. I also gave myself a hair cut (just took an inch and a bit off the ends and re cut my bangs into a proper side sweep).

Also I gained 5lbs on my metabolism reboot. Lost about 2.5 lbs, so most of it must have been water weight. Haven't exercised since Thursday, readings from my professors have been kicking my ass (130 pages per class generally) along with working. And the BF lost his job so I spent the weekend with him to keep him from getting too depressed. And we both binged ate all weekend long. The amount of money we spent on food was disgusting.


  1. Sorry to hear about 1. The bing. 2. BF losing the job.

    Try to focus on what you have instead, maybe it can be a little bit more uplifting. :)
    Better to binge with a BF than do it alone :P

    Survive the school work!!

  2. I´m sorry about the binge, it sounds like you had quite a day. Sorry about your bf´s job too
    Remember tomorrow is a new day to start over =)