Isn't it horrible...

....when you starve all day, plan a small supper (250 cals) and after you eat it it feels like it's way to much? Right now I feel like I binged. I know I didn't. I had breakfast this morning (125) so I'm only at 375 cals out of my allowed 600. I hate this. I feel like I may b/p if I purge my meal, but the temptation is so strong. I'm not going to though. I saved my calories for supper with my Dad, which we just had, so I'm okay. I didn't eat when I got home from work even though I was starving. I'm okay.

Also Dad's scale had me at 117lbs this am, but again, since it's a) analog and b) not my scale, I don't believe it. It's not an offical weight. Hopefully I have some results tomorrow morning. The BF may be coming over tonight, will have to convince him to have something healthy to snack on.

I will be skinny this summer.

Nothing really new going on..

Trying to stick to my new routine, hasn't gone completely to plan but I know I've lost as I weighed 119.8 at 4pm today, after eating. So I'm going to keep going.

University is coming to an end right now, so I'm still super busy. After next week I'll be around more. I am reading blogs but not commenting (as I am tending to be reading on my ipod touch and it's a pain in the ass with blogger). In may I'm taking a 3 week course so I may get busy again, but who knows. I also registered for my last 6 classes next year. Then I'll be done this friggin BA only to start again!

I hope everyone is doing well. I love and miss you all. Again I'm so sorry for being a crap blogger/commenter/friend lately.

Time to Step Up

In 19 weeks I'm meeting some friends. I need to be down 20lbs. Seems reasonable right? I think so too. I need to refocus. I've been all over this month due to my mood swings and work and school stress. This weekend I'm weaning myself off all my fave comfort foods, and adding back in the low calorie things I like to live on. Monday is back to the plan.

My plan will be easy. 600 calories a day, max. I also have 500 calories leeway per week. So say Monday I might have to go out to dinner with someone and that may eat up 400 cals of my overage, and then I have 100 cals to spread over other overages. I also need to exercise 3x a week for at least a half hour. I'd like to do more, but in reality I really don't have the time. I'm going to try to work in more walking, especially since it's getting nicer out. And start my floor exercises again.

So I'm going to go for a walk today. Probably around 4.4 km, it's a route my Dad walks that we measured one day. I work tonight, and am going to buy a big bag of mixed frozen veggies to keep at my boyfriends for low calorie stirfrys.

I've been given an award

Twice! Thank you to Zane and TK for this. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update this and accept it. Uber busy wtih school work. And work work. I need a vacation or atleast win the lottery.

The Rules:
1. Thank the person who loved you enough to bestow this gift
2. Share seven things about yourself.
3. Bestow this honour onto 10 newly discovered or followed bloggers– in no particular order– who are fantastic in some way.
4. Drop by and let your ten new friends know you admire them

7 Things about me:

1. I don't wear socks. It's an OCD thing. If I put my socks on the wrong foot first, I need to take off my socks, put them in the laundry, wash my feet, and try again with a new pair (it goes right foot first, then left). Also I dislike how they squish my toes.

2. I don't think I am one, but apparently I'm a huge nerd. I go on long tirades about such nerdy topics as Star Trek, Harry Potter, Animorphs, final fantasy, weird scientific discoveries, theories on black holes, to fashion and modern hairstyles. I can get quite passionate about it.

3. I'm phobic of chickens. And earwigs.

4. I talk to my cat more than any other person. I also have her talk back to me. We have a good ol' time together.

5. I'm a clothes-a-holic. I hate that right now my wardrobe is so small, but I literally can't afford to buy more cloths and the majority of the clothes I do have don't fit me anymore.

6. I name my pets after characters from TV/Books/Movies I like. Molly is named after Molly Weasley from Harry Potter. She is as badass as her name suggusts.

7. Even though I don't particularily want to get married, and I don't like winter, I already know that my wedding theme would be old russian winter.

And I think it would be too hard to pick 10 people. So many people have gotten it already, and I've been slacking on blog reading. Everyone deserves one. So I'm going to break the rule and not name anyone.

Eek!

I didn't mean to go this long without posting. I meant to post on Monday, but I ended up skipping my first class of the day to play Fallout:New Vegas (for about 7 hours straight, oops). Then I just went in for my last class, so had no time to actually read or update any blogs as the BF came over.

Meant to do it between classes on Wednesday  but I ended up picking up a bunch of books for a seminar presentation and I got distracted by reading them. Today I called in exhausted to work so yay update time!

I started my period early this month (TMI, but it's not a real period, but a withdrawal bleed from the birth control). I switched brands and I started to spot on the last few days. It is wayyyyyy lighter than usual though. Which is good, even though it has been light since I started on BC. With that and days of eating 'normally' I thought for sure I gained. Not so. I weigh 119lbs. Yay!

Also the boyfriend finally found another job. So I can actually have a few days where I am not expected to eat all the friggin time. It's a day shift job, so I will still have to contend with the evening snacking/supper time but hey, he's no longer around 24/7.

Back on track

My Dads scale told me I weighed 119lbs this am, which on mine would translate to 120 or 121lbs.

My plan for today:

1030: vegan blueberry yogurt (125)
400: pita (95) + salad greens (10) + taco sauce (5)
Total: 235 cals

If the boyfriend comes over for the night I'm allowing myself another 400 cals which would mean a total of 635 cals, which isn't too bad. Either one should mean a loss.

I've been fighting my hunger all day. Stupid me stretched it out. So I've been downing caffeine and diet pills all day. I can't wait for another 40 minutes to pass so I can have my supper. Then it's off to work for 3 hours. I'm hoping a co worker will offer to drive me home. J might, since she lives like 5 minutes away from me, and if she can she generally does. We haven't worked together a lot this year as our school schedules seem to be opposite. And shes pregnant so isn't working as many evenings.

I may not get on blogger again until Monday so if I'm not around that's why. The boyfriend will probably be around all weekend.

Keeping you all updated

Fell off the wagon on Sunday. Gave myself a day off. Ate a normal amount (yogurt for breakfast, lunch of soup and bread, dinner was baked potatoes and fake chicken strips) and promptly gained 4lbs. I know it was just food weight but ugh. Still wasn't the kick in the pants I needed to get back on track. I haven't been counting all that well, nor have I kept myself from late night eating.

I think the only reason I haven't been binging is because I am overdrawn on my bank account. Well I am changing today. I'm currently starving (as eating has stretched my stomach out) but not going to eat. Just before I go to class I'm going to have a vegan yogurt. 125 cals. Then a small supper at my Dads house tonight. Tomorrow is a 200 day, though work tomorrow night is supposed to be hectic, but I'll try to keep it from going wonky. Last Thursday night I was so tiered and worn out I ended up having a juice box with the kids. 90 cals wasted. I hate drinking juice as it seems like empty and pointless calories to me.

I'm super busy with my school work (last 3 weeks of classes) and working, so I'm not getting online as much as I would like to. Just know that I am still trying to read along and comment. Come April I'll defiantly have some more time to devote to all of you.

Also, a big hi to all my new followers. If I'm not following your blog let me know, and I'll add you. <3

Just want to say...

118.2lbs today! Fuck yeah!

And I didn't have my tea yesterday. Still no shitting in sight.

Can't right more as the boyfriend just stepped out for a few minutes. Hopefully I can keep from gaining for the next two days. Have a major presentation/paper due Monday so I must keep from binging while I write it tomorrow.

Love you all. And I'll get to your blogs on Monday between classes.

Reached my goal

I was 119.2lbs this am. Not as low  as I would like, but the BF and I had some veggie sushi last night and a few chips (and soy sauce always makes me bloat) and I haven't shit again for a few days. I assume I'm holding on to some extra. As I know I need to go. I'm going to go drink a laxative tea after I post this.

Today is an 800 cal day, though it is a bit loose as the BF is here all day, and I'll be spending tomorrow with him.

Goal for the weekend: Do Not Gain. Maintain.

Progress! Progress! Progress!

It's kinda sad that I said the title of this post to the tune of Practice, Practice, Practice from the Swan Princess movie? I still love the movie and the soundtrack. If you didn't see the film, as I suspect a lot of you weren't even born in 1994, or were just too young (while I was the ripe old age of 9), I say it's a good way to kill a boring afternoon. It's on YouTube!

Worked this morning, and spent this afternoon making a budget spreadsheet in excel. Mostly for tracking my expenses than limiting them. Once I track for 3 months, I'll set limits on each expense variable. I'm going for 3 months because that should give me a more realistic view of what I spend my money on. Working again this evening, with no idea what time I'm going to be off. Big briefing that came up for some military families that are a bit panicking and my boss had no idea how long they plan on meeting for, nor does she have a sign up list for kids. It's going to be chaos. Apparently they told her to book 6 staff members. Oy.

My Dad's analog scale weighed me in at 117 this morning, so I'm probably hovering around 118. Can't wait till I can get an empty weight tomorrow morning. Today is a 600 calorie day, and I've eaten 277, with a plan to end 427 calories, which given me a bit of wiggle room when the boyfriend comes over tonight.

So today looks like:
Breakfast: vegan vanilla yogurt (102 cals)
Lunch: veggie wrap - pita, vegan sour cream, salsa, mixed salad veggies (175 cals)
Supper: veggie wrap- pita, salsa, mixed salad  veggies (150 cals)
Total: 427 cals

Gotta keep this up so I'm bikini ready come may.

Edit: Dad wants me to have some bread with him so adding in another 130 cals for the bread, and I'm probably going to have some vegan butter on it so another 20 cals. Ending total of 577 cals.

119.6lbs

Finally after months of being over 120lbs, I'm back under. Even though it's only slightly. 119.6lbs! I hope to keep this trend up. That was also not a completely empty weight. It was 4:30 this afternoon and while I hadn't eaten anything yet, I did drink diet pepsi all day long. Here's to hoping it's lower on Friday for my official mini goal.

Today was a 400 calorie day, plus whatever I ate at my dads.
Snackish (520): 3 chips (35 cals)
Plus at my Dads:
Dinner (640): prepacked Thai meal (390 cals)

Total:  425 cals