Esoteric Thin

I can't recognize healthy thin and too thin anymore. I was watching a TV show with my boyfriend the other night and pointed out that they did not dress the main actress in the most flattering outfits because she is very broad shouldered and has bigger upper arms. He agreed but pointed out that she was in very good shape, not like the overly thin actress who was in the episode. See I even thought the other actress was a bit big, but bit my tongue.

Speaking of arms, I still have the bat signal. My roommate/best friend (who will be referred to interchangeably) thinks I'm crazy. I have even raised my arms and showed her the old woman jiggle and even sang the batman theme (which I admit I sing a lot so it's not that strange). She can't see it. I kinda think shes the crazy one.

Ate a cinnamon bun (non iced) that she made last night. She made them vegan and I generally can't say no when she does that. But even with that and my period deciding to start I somehow still lost. 123.4lbs. I desperately want this womanly curse to just go away so I can know my real weight. Period days feel like I'm in a strange sort of limbo. I can't trust the weight but I can't slack and not weigh myself.

But the above weight also means I'm only 3.4lbs away from my next goal. Which is so close I can taste it (pun intended). I need to get there by wednesday when I leave for a vacation in New York City. I can't believe I'm going there this fat, but I am. Hopefully I won't look like the tub of lard I feel like.