I just can't seem to stop myself

I made a family size meal of fajitas tonight. I ate it all and threw it up. I was so fucking excited that my roommate was going out. It was like a switch. Instead of saving it in the calorie counted portions to eat over the next few days I was like "FREE PURGE TIME!" and just went apeshit on it.

It was disgusting. Especially disgusting because I couldn't purge at work today (and I tried god dammit) and there wasn't anything in my system for my laxatives to work that I felt like a failure all day long.

I had forgotten my food journal at my apt when I went to my Dad's house last night and so I couldn't write down what I was eating so I just went all "Fuck it! Bulimia time nao!" I'm so gross. Which is why I'm so fat.

I'm too scared to look at the scale today.