What a day it's been...

...full of binging and a little bit of purging. Go me.

I shouldn't act so surprised, I knew it would happen today. Too many assignments. I binge when I have one assignment due, let alone three.

I have two done, and I've been on the internet fucking around for 3 hours avoiding doing my essay. God dammit focus. Get your fat sluggish ass in gear and do the fucking work! I kinda want to rip my flesh off right now.

Offically Back to GW1

Which is kinda a good/bad thing. I was less then this a few months ago, but I've been yo-yoing up and down but never hit 120. So it kinda feels like I'm not failing so hard as I have been.

I've been having some caffeine withdrawal headaches, since I've again been cutting back on drinking pop. I didn't have any yesterday till about 9pm when I went to the movies (HP7) and it was glorious. I only bought a small as I didn't want to chug a whole bunch and have to pee part way through the movie. Which I refuse to do 9 times out of 10 so I spend like a hour every movie thinking about how badly I need to pee. But not last night, score!

I was checking out my body today in the mirror (like I'm prone to do), and my spine is getting really visible. My ribs are starting to make a mini appearance, they are not there when I'm standing straight, but if I move in anyway there they are. The pros of having a large rib cage. I'm not really large framed (but I'm not small either because of my ribcage, which is what my doctor has told me, which means by default I'm medium framed) but a con because I know the boyfriend will say something sooner rather than later.

I have a few assignments due for Tuesday, plus working Tuesday for most of the day, as well as Wednesday, then an in class exam on Thursday, so I may not be able to update until after then. If I can update it will probably be tomorrow night (while procrastinating) and maybe Wednesday if I don't spend the night at the boyfriends (simply because he doesn't help the studying process as much as he thinks he does).

Still going...

Updated my SGD page. Binged yesterday but burned most of it off dancing.

I've lost a bit (down to 120.4lbs today) so I'm hoping a bit more comes off for official weigh in day tomorrow. Also since my period started a day early (my body likes to fuck with me in little ways) so hopefully my starting weight was a bit high due to water weight, and when it's done I'll be a bit less.

The boyfriends birthday is coming up, and I'm going to make him a cake. Hopefully I can get away with only eating a little piece. Then I have to take him out for supper. He'll probably pick sushi which isn't so bad.

I hope all you Americans made it through Thanksgiving all right. Another month and the holiday season is over. I don't get why this time of year has to be all about food.

Day 1

Is going okay. I'm not used to not counting my calories from fruit and veggies, so I am, but I'm subtracting them from the SGD daily totals. I'm also limiting myself to being only 200cals over with them. I also added a page to keep track of my totals and whatnot.

One more week then university is out until January. I have one exam, but I'm not too worried about it. But I need to get off my ass and get into the financial services office and get my loan application sent away. I also need to meet with my academic advisor. I need to find out if I can graduate after next year.

I have 2 big things, and 1 small thing due on Tuesday. I hope to avoid binging at all cost.

This is a very discombobulated post. I feel that way today.

And the FailBoat Continues

Binged last night, oh well. Things happen. Tomorrow is a new day. And all that crap.

Doesn't matter since my period is due to start on Saturday, and I'm already starting to retain water, and can't get an accurate weight. Le Fucking Hell.

Trying to decide what to do for Xmas. The Boyfriend and I are going with my Mom to visit my Grandma, and all my aunts and other family members will be there. Which means there will be much food. Luckily it's only for 5 days, and for like 3 of those days Restaurants are typically closed. I wasn't allowed to have my nontraditional Xmas feast last year (I want to start eating Chinese food on Xmas, since I'm not religious, and hold no real sentiment for traditional Xmas foods), and I hope I can this year. I think it's stupid to have to make myself a mock turkey and my own sides when that isn't what I want to eat.

I'm going to do my own thing, fuck what Mom says this year. No Step dad to get up in arms over the fact that I'm not Christian and not participating in the traditions of the year. I like little traditions, Mom and I watching A Charlie Brown Christmas while decorating, Dad and I watching Trekmas (the Space channel plays Star Trek all day on Xmas Day) all day long. When at my Aunt L's house watching my mothers family's old home movies from the 60s and 70s. Watching all the different versions of a Christmas Carol (the best being the Muppet version).

Since I'm poor, and the boyfriend is poor, I'm going to make vegan cookies for my aunts and Grandma (and my mom) but still get a few things for Mom and Grandma too.

But first, I need to get to 112lbs. I think I need a new plan. Starting tomorrow I'm doing the Skinny Girl Diet.

Well I failed at the Russian Gymnast Diet today but...

My grand calorie total is 321 cals (and that is with over estimation). The boyfriend was over last night, and we got some Green Onion cakes for lunch which are 120 cals for 6, so it wasn't too terrible. I roasted up some veggies for supper tonight since I know having not started the day with the RGD I wouldn't be satisfied with my supper.

Tomorrow is going to be busier than I expected. I work at 4 not 6, but I'm hoping to not add in extra protein since today I didn't follow my plan. Also the Boyfriend and I both have Wednesday off so we may end up going out for supper. I'm going to try to get away with only eating that, though I may take a banana and an apple with me to eat if he orders pizza at 2am like he usually does.

Going to go for a walk tonight. Hopefully for an hour. Even though it's fucking freezing out. According to the Weather Network it is exactly freezing. And they are calling for snow tonight. NOOOO! Though I have already warned my boyfriend and roommate that I'm going to start wearing tights under all my clothes, as I'm always cold now (I've always been slightly cold, due to poor circulation, but restriction makes it so much worse). Both think it's a great idea. My Dad even "joked" about getting me thermal underwear.

UGH

Apparently I'm exactly the same weight this Sunday as I was last Sunday. FUCK.

Though this week has been a nice transition down to lower cals from fruit and veggies than from the quick junk I've been eating. So I'm hoping that most of the days this week to stick to the Russian Gymnast diet. No classes or work tomorrow so that's easy. Tuesday I have classes and Work till 11 (so going to be at the boyfriends that night) so going to add in a veggie burger or some other simple protein (around 100-150 cals). Wednesday I'm off, Thursday classes no work, but going to my Dads overnight, so an extra snack in the evening, Friday I work 8-2, so may need to eat something in the AM (toast). Saturday work 10-5, so going to need to add a protein again. Hopefully that will be good enough to finally fuck LOOSE SOME WEIGHT. UGH. FAT ASS.

I hope everyone else is doing well.

It's kinda sad...

That when I actually have a day off my first instinct is "YAY! Now I can pee out my ass for a few hours and not worry about it!" :| Drank a laxative tea last night, and as an added measure took a laxative. I forced myself to stop at one. Then this morning did the salt water flush.

I'm currently making myself some roasted veggies, using up most of what I had in the fridge before it all goes off. Though I didn't get to the red pepper in time. This 9 inch pan full with oil and balsamic vinegar comes to 302 cals, and is enough to last me all day. I may have a clementine or two later tonight but that is only if I need it.

The BF left part of a 710ml of regular Pepsi, and yeah I'm drinking it. Liquid calories, but I need the caffeine, and have no diet left in the house. Which is why I'm going to stick to just the roasted veggies today too.

A few inches of breathing room

First, God I want that stomach. That body.


Second, I have nothing to do tomorrow! Nothing that needs to be done tomorrow. This is amazing. It literally hasn't happened in months. I think I may go to financial services at school tomorrow for my student loan, but I don't have too. I'm so freaking excited that its sad.

Been doing okay eating wise, defiantly not perfect. As I haven't lost any, but I haven't gained either. I think tomorrow I'll do a salt water flush, and get some exercise in. The world is my oyster.

Gods I'm lame. But hey, I'm happy with my lameness. I need to locate a $300 cheque from my mother that she sent me last month. So I guess I have to go looking for it. It's somewhere in my apartment. Which I need to clean anyways since the broiler went in our oven and I need to get the landlord in to fix it. And while it's not outwardly filthy everything is covered in a fine layer of grime.

A non productive day

And it has been glorious. Well I can't say it was totally unproductive. I went to school to get a reserve out of the library that I need for an assignment due Thursday, and ran into two of my three group members for the other project due in that class next week (both assignments together total 50% of my mark, eek). So I got the reading, and had an impromptu meeting which got a few things straightened out. I was going to go to financial services to get my loan application filled out but I didn't feel up to meeting new people. I'll probably go on Friday since I don't work, and I need to get library books out for an essay I have due next week too.

I modified my food today (switched out a few things) but ate around 650 cals (I had a handful of chips that I'm overestimating to be 100 cals). I know that if I was staying home tonight I would be fine, but alas I'm going to the boyfriends and I'm tempted by horrible greasy food. If I do binge I'm going to try to keep it under 300cals, and since tomorrow is busy (classes, then a work meeting) I probably won't get a chance to eat half as much as today. I also did my floor exercises and heading to the boyfriends involves about a half hour of walking, and I'll do some more floor exercises before I leave tonight.

I finally got around to cleaning my room yesterday. It's so nice to see floor. I also have a garbage bag full of garbage to throw out. And another one full of clothes that are just too big and I can't justify keeping and taking up space small in my tiny room (it's so small I don't have  a dresser, I got a second rod in my closet, some baskets, and I used an old desk with 3 draws as a side table/desk/more clothes storage). Around June next year I should be moving in with my boyfriend (that is when his lease is up, I'm on month to month starting in Jan, and my roommate is going to grad school in another province next September, and may WOOF again next summer (she did it for 5 months last year, all in the UK, this time she wants to do some in Germany and France) and if she does that, we can move in together in June instead of September.) We've been talking about what we want to rent/the location. Part of me wants to tell him we need 2 bedrooms so I can have the second one as a walk in closet. :D

My cat is sleeping next to me right now (and I think she may have sat on my lap if my laptop was not already there, since several times in the past day she has tried to walk on it, also Molly hardly ever sits on someones lap so shes being very sooky right now). My apartment feels a lot let lonely when shes here. Even when my roommate is home I don't like not having the cat here. It makes me so depressed. I once went to a psychic who said I'd never really live alone as I'll always need to have pets around to really make it feel like a home, and he's right.

Time to focus

Tomorrow I start a warm up to the Russian gymnast diet. I'm using that diet as a base, but easing myself into it. I was going to start today but had some major stress with my laptop dying (its gone, wont take any power, thankfully the hard drive should be intact and I should be able to recover my files, pictures is all I want to save). I plan on doing something similar to this for the next week, with the intention of starting the actual diet some time on the weekend. Depending on whether or not the boyfriend plans a date night (since its been a few weeks, and hes jonesing for some sushi!) I should be able to stick to this for the next week. I'm actually only working a few days this week so I have time to actually buckle down.

Plan for tomorrow:
Breakfast: 1 cup of juice + bran bites
Lunch: cucumber + clemintines + red pepper + almond milk
Supper: mushrooms + onions + tofurky slices (up to 5) + juice
If I need a snack: first have a class of water. Then some diet Pepsi. If still needed at least 20 minutes after the craving started, have some cereal, up to a half cup.

Weight today was 121.6lbs Yuck. Also a long time ago I said I'd post a picture of myself when I reach 114lbs, and I intend to stick to that. I'm also planning on taking part in Amy's before and after challenge next month and I need to loose some more for it actually to be worth anyones while to look at a before and after of me. My upper body has thinned out but fuck my gut is disgusting.

I also need to work exercise back into my life. Going to make sure I do some floor exercises every morning and evening (so I'm cleaning my room to make sure I can have access to the floor to do said floor exercises). And try to add in an extra 1/2 hour of exercise at least 3 times a week. And I'm going to fucking going to stick to it or I don't know what I'll do to myself.

I love statutory holidays

Except that I'm using this one to do school work. I'm at my Dads actually, since I work better here. And yesterday was his birthday. And my cat is here (and is currently rubbing herself all over my feet wanting attention. Sook).

I've been doing okay weight wise. Dads scale says I weigh just under 120lbs, but I don't trust it as much as my own. It's an analog too so that irks me. I like having the point of the lb told to me.

I've been trying to front load the calories I do eat. That way with my running around I will be more likely to burn them off. I'm also going to have to start better budgeting my food, which means less carby junk and more veggies and fruits. I'm probably going to start only allowing myself carbs every second day, maybe with the exception of a bit of rice if I really need it.

I still plan on doing the Russian Gymnast Diet, maybe even starting next week. For those who may not know the diet is:

Breakfast: Glass of either orange or apple juice
Lunch: Fruit Salad (made off kiwi fruit, orange, pineapple, and peeled apples), Glass of fruit juice (from one of the above fruits)
Dinner: Glass of non carbonated water*, Green apple


In all honesty I'll probably modify the fruit, since I don't like pineapple or kiwi and only like oranges sometimes, but I'll probably try to keep it similar. Also I plan on doing this as my average daily diet with days where say I need more calories (exams, long work days, projects due) and date days with the boyfriend as days off. So I may end up doing the diet for two or three days then having an off day, or maybe two, then back on it. I'm saying this now so I don't get pissed off at myself for breaking the plan.
 
Also I want to say welcome to all my new followers. It's been awhile since I have. I can't believe 74 people are even interested in reading this. I love following my followers blogs, but sometimes I miss them, or blogger is being a bitch and says you don't have a blog, only when I check again you do and you've had it since before I checked. Just let me know if you want me to follow you and I'm not and I will. I haven't been the best follower/commenter lately but I promise I do read everything, and I am trying to comment more again.

This is starting to wear me out

...the constant on the go ness. I just want a few days to sit around and relax. I can't wait till December. I'll have a few days a week to relax a bit more, with classes being done. I feel horrible that I haven't really been here for anyone. Also half the time I come on to post I end up having to run out the door. Plus I was just able to look at my bank account and my job didn't pay me last week. Gotta deal with that tomorrow on top of everything else. Thursday is a statutory holiday so I can't wait to do jack shit. Well I'll use the time to do assignments, which I desperately need to tackle.

Official weigh in at 122.4lbs. Le Sigh. I haven't been eating much but everything I eat is high calorie crap. It's time to buckle down. Next week I will be at 119 or under. No more excuses. I can't live at this weight.

Her body is to die for. If I could have any, I think I'd like hers. Though I generally prefer bones sticking out, I think I could be happy if I looked like that.

OMG

Tonight will be the first night I'm actually sleeping in my bed since last Sunday, over a week ago. I've been working so much this past week I should actually have some money come mid month.

I've been up and down with my eating because of how busy I have been but yesterday my Dads scale weighed me in at 120lbs.

Today I've had:
2 rice crackers 36 cals
Green Onion cakes 120cals (4/6 were purged)
Diet orange crush
Total: 156 cals

I may or may not have more. Probably something around 8 as even though right now I'm feeling stuffed, I'll probably be hungry later.

Come mid month I'm going to attempt the Russian Gymnast Diet. Possibly around the 20th. I'm going to focus on getting my intake lower over the next few weeks.

I have so many blogs to catch up on. I'll really try tonight. Though I may not get to every ones because I have to study/research for class tomorrow.