Back in the game

It was water weight. I'm back to 121lbs, grah, I still hate water weight. I actually need to drink more water (most days all I drink is diet Pepsi, bad I know) but I actually hate the taste and weight of water in my stomach. It literally causes my stomach to hurt. I've been trying to drink more this month but alas it hasn't really been happening. From today on I'm going to try to have 4 glasses of water a day until it becomes second nature and I will up that amount from then.

I had therapy today, spent most of it crying about how the people at community mental health make it seem like my personality is the reason behind why I'm miserable, when in reality what actually bothers me is the psychosis and delusions. I don't care if other people think I'm a bitch, or that I'm moody, I'm okay with that. I'm not okay with the insane crazy that I can get to at times.

I'm back to the doctor tomorrow to discuss the seroquel, so far I've only hallucinated once since I started on it (I though I was seeing cats, nothing scary) though it has made me irritable. And I'm irritable at the best of times, so to make me more irritable, I kinda pity my family. I hope it's just me adjusting to the medication and nothing else to serious. Also I haven't noticed any weight gain yet, but I still need to be careful because it has made me pretty tiered.

Oh on a good note I made peanut butter cookies last night for my Dad, and I haven't binged my face off on them. I actually worked out the calories for each one (135 ) which, I believe, is keeping me from shoving them all down my gullet. That and Dad really likes them (we typically buy 3 pb cookies from a vegan baker when we go to the farmers market, this week I told him I'd make some) and I don't want to eat them all on him.