Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Yesterday was the first day I was left alone. I needed it. Today is the same. I'm so annoyed by everyones concern. I'm a bitch to my family and partner all the time. I just can't stand the molly-coddling, the sad looks, the pity, the tip toeing around me. I'm not even being called out for being a bitch. UGH I'm so annoyed by it all I could scream.
Also I've only been getting about 4 hours of sleep a night. Routinely I can't fall asleep until after 3am. This has not been helping my mood.
I've been fluctuating in the same 5lbs since I got out of the hospital. The first week I was too weak to really eat, plus my throat was raw from the tube (my voice is still scratchy) so I ate a lot of vegan ice cream. Then slowly my monstrous appetite has returned. This past week everyone is so happy that I'm eating because I didn't eat in the hospital and literally couldn't when I got home (I couldn't even sit up for every long without it exhausting me, plus my blood pressure would drop through the floor if I moved too fast, it still does it occasionally too), I think they are celebrating the small victories.
Yesterday I ate 913 calories, god that number seems so high, but I was starving all day yesterday so I know I have been eating more than that. Today I'm aiming for under 800, with the goal of 800 being there for the rest of the week. Then down to 700 for a week, and so on and so forth. I'm also keeping track of my protein intake, as the more protein I eat the less ravenous I feel. I need roughly 40grams of protein per day. Yesterday I managed just over 20. With my lunch today I have already had more protein, though with my planned supper I'll probably only manage 30grams today, but that is going in the right direction. I really want to fast for 3 days but I know that it would not be a good idea right now.
Posted by Kandie at 1:14 PM