Yesterday was the first day I was left alone. I needed it. Today is the same. I'm so annoyed by everyones concern. I'm a bitch to my family and partner all the time. I just can't stand the molly-coddling, the sad looks, the pity, the tip toeing around me. I'm not even being called out for being a bitch. UGH I'm so annoyed by it all I could scream.
Also I've only been getting about 4 hours of sleep a night. Routinely I can't fall asleep until after 3am. This has not been helping my mood.
I've been fluctuating in the same 5lbs since I got out of the hospital. The first week I was too weak to really eat, plus my throat was raw from the tube (my voice is still scratchy) so I ate a lot of vegan ice cream. Then slowly my monstrous appetite has returned. This past week everyone is so happy that I'm eating because I didn't eat in the hospital and literally couldn't when I got home (I couldn't even sit up for every long without it exhausting me, plus my blood pressure would drop through the floor if I moved too fast, it still does it occasionally too), I think they are celebrating the small victories.
Yesterday I ate 913 calories, god that number seems so high, but I was starving all day yesterday so I know I have been eating more than that. Today I'm aiming for under 800, with the goal of 800 being there for the rest of the week. Then down to 700 for a week, and so on and so forth. I'm also keeping track of my protein intake, as the more protein I eat the less ravenous I feel. I need roughly 40grams of protein per day. Yesterday I managed just over 20. With my lunch today I have already had more protein, though with my planned supper I'll probably only manage 30grams today, but that is going in the right direction. I really want to fast for 3 days but I know that it would not be a good idea right now.
I'm glad your out of hospital now :) When people fuss too much around it can be very annoying and frustrating, your not a bitch, i do the same :) Your 800 cal plan sounds good :) Keep up your strength for a while, and when you feel ready, take a fast one day at a time :) xx
ReplyDeleteGlad you are out of the hospital and doing okay and trying to eat what your body needs right now. I bet that fuss can be annoying but it's only because they care. It would probably be worse if no one even bothered to see about you at all. Keep getting better.
ReplyDeleteGood thing you're feeling well enough to eat. Remember, try and stick to really healthy foods! I hope your family gets back to normal and realizes what you need right now.
ReplyDeleteFeel better xx