Thursday, February 16, 2012

Time to get serious

I now have a lot of time to myself. Withdrawn from school, and I'm applying for disability (ugh gotta make phone calls for that today). I may work one 3 hour shift per week so I don't feel like a leech on society. So now I can sleep all day, and unfortunately for the past 5 days I just ate and ate and ate (more like binged and binged and binged).

So I'm starting to use my fitness pal again. Right now I'm aiming on keeping my protein up (trying to hit roughly 40grams per day) as it keeps me from feeling like complete shit and from passing out. My body is still pretty week after everything I put it through, and everything the pneumonia has put it through. My bruises from the restraints have finally gone, and my cuts are all closed (though a lot on my leg still look like open cuts but it's just how they healed). My body has lost all my tone and firmness from the gym.

I haven't finally settled on when I'm going to move down from 1200 calories a day to 750. I think I will just play it by ear, seeing as I have started back on an anti-psychotic I'm feeling more able to do little things, like exercise. The buses still aren't running but my Dad said he would be willing to drive me to my gym when he gets off work, so I need to go back to my apartment sometime and get my work out gear.

Yes, I'm still living at my Dads house, and we haven't decided when I'll be ready to go home. Part of me doesn't want to because I hate my apartment. Tuesday was the first day I was back there since the suicide attempt. I had to clean the geckos tank and pick up a few things. That was hard. I was only there for about 10 minutes but it was overwhelming.

Well this rambly post is getting too long. I'm going to try to be on blogger everyday now, since I have the time. I'm getting really shy to comment on peoples blogs because I feel like people probably don't remember me but I'm working on getting over that.


  1. Hey just started following your blog. Sorry to hear about your stuggles I hope things start looking up for you.. I know the feeling all to well.. check my blog out if you car to...

  2. Fitness pal will hopefully give you some motivation :) I know how it feels to just sit at home all day's shit =/ It really brings your mood down. Take moving back to your apartment one step at a time, start staying for longer periods maybe? Before moving back in? xx