Tuesday, February 21, 2012

tic tok goes the clock

I feel too old to be this fucked up with an ED. I feel too young to be this fucked up with other mental illnesses. It's an odd space to be in.

Had therapy this morning, not sure how I feel about everything. Actually that could sum up my head space right now very well. Not sure how I feel at all.

I did get some errands done today, mailed off two packages to friends, last night I even wrote them proper hand written letters on stationary. It was kinda hard because I talk to them online/texting a lot so there wasn't much to say in the letters but I figured that would be a nice touch.

I was 121lbs this morning, and my period has come with a vengeance so no loss is better than a gain. Can't wait for it to be over. I ate about 100 odd calories under my goal for 1100 yesterday which is good, and probably kept me from gaining. I find it easier to eat under my calorie goal when the number is odd. I don't care for even numbers all that much. As it's going today I'll probably be under again *finds some wood to knock on*.

I'm exhausted all the time from the abilify, though I did try to take the cat for a walk yesterday (yes my Dads cat walks on a leash, I can provide a picture if anyone wants to see) but I got tiered and he decided he wanted to go home so it only lasted about 10 minutes. Today is too cold to go out for a walk, plus I'm tiered, but I plugged in the Wii so I hope to play Wii Fit for a bit today. Better than nothing.

I am getting better at commenting on blogs, though not as much as I would like. I have no ability to concentrate or focus lately (which is why my posts have been short. This one I've been making mental notes on since I got up so it's a bit longer) which sometimes means I can't think of anything to say, but I am reading everyone that I follow, especially those who comment (I try to read your blogs first).


  1. regarding your first sentence of this post...i feel the exact same way about myself.

  2. I'm only 19 and I feel too old when everyone else on here is still at school and living at home.
    That's awesome that the cat walks on the leash. So cute!

  3. I hate that feeling too, where you can't find a comfortable space to be in. Why do we always just feel wrongwrongwrong?
    love always,

  4. I totally get what you mean. I only developed this shit when I was 24 (seriously I mean) and it's like... isn't this for teenagers? I dunno. And as for mental illness. Well that's a whole other thing isn't it. Fucked it we do. Fucked if we don't. Just fucked. Xo

  5. I know what you mean about feeling too old and too young, it does mess with your head :( But ED and mental illness doesn't come with a certain age, it can hit at any time :( Hope your feeling better <3