Tuesday, February 21, 2012

tic tok goes the clock

I feel too old to be this fucked up with an ED. I feel too young to be this fucked up with other mental illnesses. It's an odd space to be in.

Had therapy this morning, not sure how I feel about everything. Actually that could sum up my head space right now very well. Not sure how I feel at all.

I did get some errands done today, mailed off two packages to friends, last night I even wrote them proper hand written letters on stationary. It was kinda hard because I talk to them online/texting a lot so there wasn't much to say in the letters but I figured that would be a nice touch.

I was 121lbs this morning, and my period has come with a vengeance so no loss is better than a gain. Can't wait for it to be over. I ate about 100 odd calories under my goal for 1100 yesterday which is good, and probably kept me from gaining. I find it easier to eat under my calorie goal when the number is odd. I don't care for even numbers all that much. As it's going today I'll probably be under again *finds some wood to knock on*.

I'm exhausted all the time from the abilify, though I did try to take the cat for a walk yesterday (yes my Dads cat walks on a leash, I can provide a picture if anyone wants to see) but I got tiered and he decided he wanted to go home so it only lasted about 10 minutes. Today is too cold to go out for a walk, plus I'm tiered, but I plugged in the Wii so I hope to play Wii Fit for a bit today. Better than nothing.

I am getting better at commenting on blogs, though not as much as I would like. I have no ability to concentrate or focus lately (which is why my posts have been short. This one I've been making mental notes on since I got up so it's a bit longer) which sometimes means I can't think of anything to say, but I am reading everyone that I follow, especially those who comment (I try to read your blogs first).

6 comments:

  1. regarding your first sentence of this post...i feel the exact same way about myself.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm only 19 and I feel too old when everyone else on here is still at school and living at home.
    That's awesome that the cat walks on the leash. So cute!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hate that feeling too, where you can't find a comfortable space to be in. Why do we always just feel wrongwrongwrong?
    love always,
    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  4. I totally get what you mean. I only developed this shit when I was 24 (seriously I mean) and it's like... isn't this for teenagers? I dunno. And as for mental illness. Well that's a whole other thing isn't it. Fucked it we do. Fucked if we don't. Just fucked. Xo

    ReplyDelete
  5. I know what you mean about feeling too old and too young, it does mess with your head :( But ED and mental illness doesn't come with a certain age, it can hit at any time :( Hope your feeling better <3

    ReplyDelete