Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Need a new plan

I feel fat. Gross and fat. Let myself relax on the weekend to throw my mother off the scent (she kept going on about how much weight I've lost, and how good I look, etc). Didn't want to seem suspicious.

Then Monday the parental units met the boyfriend for the first time. So it was stressful and I allowed myself to eat during the course of the day because that is what people seem to do when they meet others.

I decided to say fuck it all and start a new plan once I was back at my own apartment, which is today, but since I started the day at my Dads, tomorrow, which is also my first day of classes, is day one. I'm not sure of my exact rules yet, but I know that I will defiantly have to start writing down every morsel of food that even goes near my mouth. Too much mindless extras. I'm going to work out the details tomorrow.

As for life I'm thinking of getting a second job, as I have no money. Well I have barely enough to cover the essentials and every few months I need to ask a parental unit for money and frankly that's just so disheartening at 25. I may just apply to the grocery store that is about 2 minutes from my apartment. Work a few evenings a week to just help out with the bills and having extra money. I want to visit a friend in Boston for a long weekend sometime, but I just can't save any money with my one job. But then again, I have no free time as it is anyways. I'm always on the go. I may give it a shot for a month or so then decide to quit if it sucks to hard.


  1. Ahh I could have sworn I started following you ages ago! I'm so sorry! Thanks so much for reading my blog, I really appreciate all your comments!

    I hate feeling fat after eating a lot too, but that feeling helps motivate you while you're trying to restrict =) Sorry about your financial situation, what's your main job at the moment? I'm trying to get a job too to do after school, but it's hard to find. Good luck with your new diet plan along with everything else!

  2. Feeling fat should be a level of Dante's Inferno... Level ten of hell: Bloat.


    I agree. Maybe try to babysit?- there is good money in that.

  3. I work at a daycare right now (and due to regulations I'm not allowed to babysit any of the kids), and also after doing that all day I'd rather not babysit anyways. I want something mind numbing with little responsibility (as watching peoples kids is a major responsibility).

  4. Ahhh..yes...starving is very addictive. I love what Claire said and would have to agree 100%...this level is definitely the worst...for me anyway. I feel your pain with the whole financial situation...I'm in the process of finding a job while getting a life is pathetic...I have to ask my soon to be ex for that's degrading. Do you feel better yet? Anyway, I'm totally here for you love....good luck with the new plan!
    Much happiness....

  5. I'm seriously in love with your blog. And it's so sparkly today! I love it!
    Anyway, you sound like you have it all planned out at the moment. It's impressive. <3

  6. Good luck finding a job and sorting out a plan.
    I always find it massively encouraging to plan out my entire life when it comes to food. It makes it seem less evil, hah.

  7. Mindy: Thank you. I feel horrible asking my parents for money, but they always ask then offer. I just feel like I'm 25, I should be able to handle things.

    Sarah: Thanks. I love it too. Totally not my typical style, but I really love the top image, and when looking at backgrounds this one just was so perfect I had to use it.

    Cherry: I love making plans. Unfortunatly I have a very fuck you attitude whenever someone tells me to do something, even myself. So I never stick to them. It's a very confusing headspace.